September 2nd, 2009 by Sarah Newton

Parenting brings up your stuff

It was so funny the other day as I experienced the stark reality of most people’s view of young people. One of my pals, known her for ages, put out an innocent request on Facebook asking for parents of teens to get in touch because she wanted to discuss something. What she got back was amazing; most were wishing her the best, telling her how awful things were and it would get better, others giving her masses of advice on boundaries, etc. and I think there was even a few lock ‘em up ’til they’re 21 type of comments….I simply asked what was up and lets chat.

My first thought was, Wow this epidemic of how we feel about kids is worse then I thought.

Now, as it turns out, I knew that her children are not a problem at all and she was having problems with an issue I am seeing again and again. It is simply this. When our children no longer need us in a practical sense and they begin to get a life of their own, for some strange reason all our stuff comes up, all the unresolved issues we had as a child and never got sorted. Teenagers have a rawness; I think that has us question everything and I always tell coaches who want to work with them to make sure they have sorted their stuff out, as the teens will find it and bring it up! There is no doubt about it, parenting teenagers can be for most a very painful experience, not because of the teens per se but because of what is coming up for us.

Now I know this happens as I see it, but I never hear anyone else talking about it.

Psychologists tell us if you want to know what is unhealed from your childhood, have children. This is called a narcissistic injury

So I want to know – have you experienced this at all and if so, what did you do?

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