June 7th, 2009 by Sarah Newton

Parenting Teens Tip Seven – What to do when your child won’t get out of bed

Oh how annoying, in bed all day! OK, before you decide that they are just a lazy good-for-nothing, take heed to this advice.

Most parents find the sleeping habits of teenagers bizarre. They appear to become nocturnal in their activities. In Barbara Strauch’s book, “Why are they so Weird?” she explains in great detail the reason for such strange behaviour, from the change in melatonin levels to the fact that in the past adolescents, as the most agile, had to stay up and be alert to defend the pack. She believes that these in-built environmental qualities have lingered on and our teenagers find it difficult to go to sleep in the evenings because of this biological factor. She also stresses that research has shown that teenagers need nine hours sleep; hence, they have an inability to go to sleep and an inability to get up, which is bound to lead to problems. Some schools in America have taken note of this and have started school days later, but in Britain I think we have a long way to go yet! So maybe our teenagers are not lazy, just biologically impaired!

So sometimes, leaving them in bed can be the best option, letting them catch up with their sleep can actually be a good thing. Teenagers need three hours of sleep more per night than we do and if they are not sleeping well throughout the week then this accumulates. So if you can bare it, leave them in bed. What you need to figure out yourself, as a parent, is what is acceptable to you and what the guidelines are around them staying in bed. Do you mind at all? Do you not mind as long as they get up at a certain time? Do you not mind as long as they spend some time with you or do you not mind as long as you don’t have to force them out of bed on school days? Get very clear with yourself what the guidelines are and share them with your teenager. Say something like, “I know you need a lot of sleep and I want you to catch up on it. That is OK with us and we will leave you in bed. All I ask is…..” Be clear what you want and will accept as a family. You might also want to look at ways you can coax them from their cave. Cooking food they love or doing something they find exciting may be other ways that you can also beat this one. Shouting at them, telling them they are lazy and forcing them out of bed is just not going to cut it. If you do agree with a cut off time with them, then here is a reminder on how to wake your little darling up without a slanging match.
Here are my suggestions for getting them up.

• Go in at least an hour before they have to get up and open their curtains – natural light is a gentle way to bring someone around from a deep slumber.

• Get a very loud alarm clock in their room and set it for thirty minutes before they have to get up. Put it somewhere where they have to get up to switch it off.

• Then, if they are not up, go in five minutes before they are about to get up and in a stern authoritative voice, tell them it is time to get up.

• Do this two more times and then leave them to it.
On the last occasion tell them that you will not be coming in anymore.
A side note here is that making them go to bed early to get up early may not be a solution. Melatonin levels (which induce sleep) kick in much later with adolescents and sometimes will not peak until one or two in the morning. So even though they may go to bed, their pleas of, “I can’t get to sleep!” may actually be true. They are just not wired the same as we are when it comes to sleep, so this invasion truly is one that they are not in control of.

Resources for Parents of Teenagers

Late Nights and Laziness
Teenagers and Sleep
How much sleep do teenagers need?
Mobile phones disrupt teenagers’ sleep
Sleep Problems
Helping Teens Make Peace with Sleep

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