June 3rd, 2009 by Sarah Newton

Parenting Teens Tip Five – Instilling a sense of respect in your home.

Respect is one of those loaded words … parents often come to me saying that their teenagers do not respect them and quite often, the parent is showing no respect for their teenager, so are you surprised? Teenagers do not automatically know how to show respect, they need to learn it, be shown it and realise how it feels so in turn, they can give it.
So how can you instill respect in your home?

The best way is to start saying it to your teen. You may find this difficult at first, but how many times do you say you are proud of your child? Well, I want you to stop saying that and substitute it with the word respect. When you tell someone you respect them, you are telling them you hold them in high esteem. When you tell them that you are proud you are really saying that you are pleased for yourself – how many of us as adults are still trying to make our parents proud? I rest my case!!!!

Let me give you an example; the teen does really well in exams.

The parent can either say,
“I am so proud of you, well done!” or
“I know how much work and effort you put in; I really respect the commitment you made in passing these exams.”
Can you see the difference? By telling them you respect something about them rather than being proud of something they did, you are really giving your child’s self esteem a massive boost. I is totally awesome and you will almost see them walk taller.

Here are some ways other than just telling them that my clients have created respectful homes.

1. Respect board – a word chalk or a white board with all family names written on. Each day or whenever the mood takes you, write next to a name something your respect, admire or love about them.
2. Respect photo – blow up a large photo of your family and put in a prominent place. Have some post-it notes and pens nearby and use the same principle as above, but with post-it notes – this is my favourite.
3. Leaving respect post-it notes around the house for people to find.
4. Having an appreciation time at meal time where everyone gets to say what they respect, love and admire about each other.
What you use in your house will obviously depend on where you are starting from….if communication is poor then you may need to start from a more general place but believe me, this technique has the power to make a huge difference.

Parenting Teens Resources

Terence Blacker: Show a little more respect to teenagers
Do good teenagers get the respect they deserve in your opinion?
How to Show Respect to Your Teenagers

Welcome back! Family communication matters... Stay connected via email or RSS for free family communication updates.

We can also continue this conversation online:
Fink on Twitter    ·    Gen Y Guide on Twitter